today I will be talking about the laws no one actually lives by. I really got you with that title huh? I discovered the law that under the Salmon act 1986, people can not hold a salmon suspiciously in England. Like what? So I delved deeper and OMG there are so many so obviously I thought it would be fun to break them. If you don’t see me milling about the history corridor, I am probably in prison.
Where it all came from… obviously going to cover my face for anonymity but here I am suspiciously holding a salmon in the library. (on a real note where was I going to find a real salmon??) I felt the adrenaline kick in as I began my first steps to a life of crime… all I wanted was to furthar my blossoming criminal career, goodbye navigating success! Now I want Mr Dixon to cover his eyes for this next one.
Now all I can do is apologise. Gum chewing (much like in any part of RHS) is banned in Singapore, why? Ask any senior member of staff, i’m sure its the same reason. Now for the teachers reading, the disposal unit was called shortly after this picture was taken and the G-U-M was removed very carefully off school grounds into a furnace where it will suffer eternal burning. Now, at this point, I was expecting the mafia to give me a call needing a new boss as my life of crime was drastically spinning out of control.
Now I did not personally commit this crime but do you know who did? Fellow criminals Denis, Daniil, RHS’s rule stickler (in disguise) Mr Gould and the ENTIRE house of Hawke! Yes, in the state of Alabama it is illegal to wear a fake moustache in a religious house. I am aware there are no pictures catching them in the act, but hundreds of witnesses might just prove what I saw. Mr Gould, I’m on to you…
Now I really felt the devil in my veins for this one. In the United Arab Emirates it is illegal to swear. Why? Because it disgraces modesty and you know what, fair enough. Do I agree with this law? No. But I do think the honour of modesty is one that has lost a lot of meaning in recent years. Look at me getting serious, this is a bubble article not a broadsheet!
Yup, that’s me learning how to play dominos online. And that is a crime in Sevilla. And that’s not even the crazy part. The crazy part is to prevent noise pollution. Sevilla, famous for flamenco dancing in the street and music playing all hours illegalised dominos due to noise pollution. Apparently the clacking of the pieces is just too much for those in Sevilla! More for me I guess since I learned the ways and wonders of online dominos… How have I never heard of this before?
In Venice Italy you can not feed pigeons! And this is a lovely photo of two pigeons fighting over food that was thrown onto the balcony. Now I could sit here all day and talk about how we systematically destroyed the pigeon species but I won’t right now (tune in next week 😉) but I will talk about the joys of feeding a pigeon. There is something so rewarding in feeding such a dumb animal and I hate that Venice takes that away from people for the sake of keeping their buildings clean. Anyway, hit me up if your spirit animal is a pigeon and we can ride in the wind together avoiding Venice for all time.
Well that’s all I have, if you’re still reading then I wasn’t suddenly captured from Howe in the middle of the night (which is probably when I’ll finish writing this, you’re welcome) and I won’t spend the rest of my days behind bars for my whacky adventures around Holbrook. Now for the serious part, why does law exist? As I recently learned from Mrs Price, crime was a creation of human-kind – like we don’t see deer breaking the law – so I wonder why we restricted ourselves so much to the point where I can’t wander into a church in Alabama with a moustache on for the lols. Where does law end? Will we be forced into a society that constantly represses our every move with more and more restriction? I have no idea but probably, ask a psychologist.
That’s it from me this week, because of year 13 mocks I’ll probably be around again next week but until then…
(P.S cheers Emi for being my photographer)