RHS Atrocities: Squirt ‘n’ Desert – Toby C
It staggers me that after my beautifully eloquent and incredibly well written article on dreaded cup rinsers in the dining hall last term, people still had the audacity to try defend their shameless act and argue their point with me when I am so obviously right.
However, with any movement, however big or small, it takes time for people to understand their own vices and undergo a change. It is in these critical moments that we must come together and persevere to tackle these RHS atrocities.
So here we are again. As you read this article you stand on the cusp of knowledge that will either make your heart rally with approval and agreement or sink with guilt at this heinous crime if you are one of its offenders.
I am going to struggle to put this atrocity into words, purely because I have been deeply affected by its consequences on numerous occasions. But, for the greater good, I must overcome the memories of my traumatic experiences to address this issue.
I like to call this insolent behaviour the squirt and desert. And no, its not what you are thinking and frankly its rude to have such immature thoughts while you read this very serious article. I am talking about the disgusting wet and no wipe, the spray an delay, the ignorant and selfish act of people who leave a puddle of antiviral spray on their desks and walk out the room (okay the last one isn’t so catchy but I was running out of ideas, and to be honest it was going downhill from the first one, how can you beat the word squirt!?) you all know what I’m talking about now though. You think you’re in a rush. You forgot to get a bit of blue tissue at the start of the lesson. You think no one will notice. You think the consequences are minimal. So, with all this “thinking” going on while your teacher is going round spraying the desks, you decide to not bother wiping and drying your desk as you quietly and surreptitiously sneak out of the classroom, leaving behind a disaster In your wake.
Let me play out the various scenarios of this unforgivable act, and hopefully this will make you feel so guilty that you repent your previous sins and never do it again. Now the first scenario affects the good citizens among us. That is, the ones who notice there is a puddle of unwiped liquid on the desk next to theirs, so they go to wipe it, probably with an already sodden tissue. This is a great inconvenience to lives of good people, and lets face it, some one who is willing to clean up after your mess is probably the same type of person who does fifteen clubs and has to be in eight places at one time, and now you have just delayed them causing catastrophic ripple effects to their busy and scheduled day!
The other (more damaging) scenario is that where no one bothers to wipe up after you. This leads to the puddle festering on the desk. What happens next is some poor innocent child walks into their class and puts their books down on their desk. That is when the shrieking starts. Little Amy in year 9 has just ruined her beautiful geography poster (that she spent ages colouring in) as the puddle you left slowly devours her work. Feel her pain. I myself was once subject to this when my magnificent chemistry folder ended up in one of these pools of liquid. I regret to inform you that it is permanently stained. I tell people it was hydrochloric acid. Partly because I want people to think I’m cool, and partly because it hurts me too much to speak of the truth. Even writing it now brings tears to my eyes, knowing that the damage caused could easily be prevented. But that is why I push through the pain. I just hope that no one else has to experience what I have experienced any more.
Now go! Reflect on your actions. Change your ways. And lets rid RHS of one more Atrocity.
Post Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.