The RHS Squid Games Finale – Jaz S

I hope you had a nice half term but you can’t lie, something was deeply bothering you, the suspense was eating away at you whilst you had your 3rd nap of the day, the fact you did not know how the game ended was the reason you didn’t do your prep. But fear not, as all shall be revealed in the final game of the RHS Squid Games!

To remind you of how we left off, Mrs Maloney from Blake, Mr Terry from Collingwood and Mr Gould from Hawke are our finalists, after surviving the deadly dining hall, beating the Nelsoners by remembering all the words to Jerusalem and passing Mr Griffiths’ shoe polishing boot camp.

When the clock tower struck 9 on the last morning of last half term, the remaining SHS assembled in the main corridor of the school block, dressed in the lower school uniform. They were raring to go having just ate a huge fish n chips the night before. What awaited them though, they did not know…

Waiting for them was the Games Master dressed in naval uniform and a black mask. Was this Mr Griffiths? Perhaps a visiting naval officer? The SHS were confused by what the next game could possibly be. As well as the Games Master, there was a table with three boxes on. The Games Master told each SHS to pick a box. The SHS looked blankly at each other, not knowing who should take the first box. Mr Gould plucked up the courage and took box number one, Mr Terry followed taking box number 2 and finally Mrs Maloney was left with box number 3. The Games Master told them to open their box. Mr Gould’s box was filled with jewellery (3 necklaces, 4 earrings and a bracelet), Mr Terry was given an obviously rolled skirt and Mrs Maloney was given pink temporary hair dye. 

“You must make it from history to the end of the science corridor without being caught for breaking school rules. You have 3 minutes”, said the Games Master sinisterly before disappearing into thin air. 

The clock tower chimed once again and all the TV monitors in the school block started counting down 3 minutes. Mrs Maloney started frantically dying her hair pink, whilst Mr Gould made himself look expensive with all his jewellery (clearly he is well versed in Claire’s accessories). Mr Terry stared at the skirt in disbelief, but his want to win the game overpowered his dignity and in all honesty he has never looked better! 

The SHS started walking down the corridor when their first challenge approached- a group of prefects! Luckily they were too busy talking about Trafalgar Night to even notice the fact their teachers were in school uniform. Next, Mr Griffiths walked out from the library. Mr Terry darted down the English corridor to avoid being seen. Mr Gould turned to face the wall to hide his bling; Mr Griffiths did ask what he was doing but Mr Gould simply replied, “Admiring the brick work” which caused Mr Griffiths to avoid asking questions. Sadly, Mrs Maloney couldn’t hide quick enough and was caught by Mr Griffiths. She tried complimenting how shiny his head was, but flattery could not save her and so she was sent back to Blake.

Mr Terry and Mr Gould snuck down the corridor avoiding the likes of Mr Corbould but their greatest challenge was up next… Mr Dixon’s office. The two tried to sneak past it but Mr Dixon’s 6th sense told him something was up, so he left his office and stopped them. Mr Gould quickly hid his jewellery but feared that his earrings would be noticed. Mr Terry just blankly smiled at Mr Dixon. “What on earth are you two up to?”, asked Mr Dixon. Mr Terry cleverly responded, “I wanted to ask you about Chemistry, as I have recently realised how great it is”. This caused Mr Dixon to start monologuing about atoms and electrolysis, allowing the two to sprint away without him noticing.

Mr Gould ran down the corridor whilst Mr Terry let his guard down, causing him to not notice his biggest threat- Mrs Botley. Mr Terry tried to bend his legs to get his skirt to touch his knees, but it was too late, he had been spotted. Mrs Botley told Mr Terry how unprofessional his skirt was, filling Mr Terry’s body with shame. She then told him to go to the second hand shop to get a better one.

Mr Gould was ecstatic, he had won the RHS Squid Games and was a step closer to the Bannerman Trophy. However, there is a twist in our story! On his way to the second hand shop, Mr Terry saw that Mr Gould was hugging the Games Master. Suspicious, he sneaked over to them to listen to their conversation.

“Thanks for all your help”, Mr Gould whispered to the Games Master.

“No worries, but a promise is a promise so you better win the Bannerman trophy!”, the Games Master replied.

Mr Terry was shocked at this, Mr Gould was cheating! Mr Terry ran up to the Games Master and removed his mask to reveal a familiar face… Mr Warren! The old housemaster of Hawke had returned to RHS to ensure that Hawke won- no one cares about the Bannerman Trophy as much as Mr Warren did.

“I’m sorry, I did what I had to do” cried Mr Warren.

Mr Terry told him it was okay and that Miss King would help him through his obsession, in return Mr Warren should declare that Collingwood won the RHS Squid Games. Mr Warren and Mr Gould agreed and that was the end of it..or is it? We shall see next year!

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