This RHS pupil has heard that Mr Routledge has not quite been telling the truth to Mrs Routledge, with Mrs R catching him red-handed in the act.
Mr Routledge has been loyal and dedicated to Mrs Routledge for years, promising never to lie to her but that has all recently changed…
Let me put this into context. Mr Routledge loves Mrs Routledge very much but not as much as a drool worthy, tempting, hot little number… of course I’m talking about pizza! Mr Routledge promised Mrs Routledge that he would go on a health kick, in order to try and beat his obsession. Mrs Routledge thought Mr Routledge was doing so well, keeping to the salads and quinoa but the other night she found the evidence.
Stashed away in his Classical man-cave, Mr R tried to hide all his pizza boxes until bin day. However, the other night when Mrs R asked what film to watch, allowing a film other than Harry Potter to be chosen, Mrs R knew something was wrong when Mr R didn’t take the opportunity. So, she decided to investigate. Using her detective skills, Mrs R found tomato sauce stains on a shirt Mr R had recently worn. When confronted about it, Mr R said it was a stain from their young daughter Penny. Mrs Routledge felt bad for thinking her husband could be so disloyal, that is until the Coop shop.
The day after the shirt incident, Mrs Routledge went to the Coop (every teacher’s favourite hangout until they see students stocking up on tuck) to do the weekly shop. She bought the usual bread, milk and a few drinks to make the marking of year 11’s French exams bearable but the usual card declined. How embarrassing! Mrs R phoned up the bank because there had to a mistake. But no! It was revealed that hundreds of pounds had been spent on Papa Johns- not even Domino’s, sacrilege, be ashamed! Mrs Routledge sprinted (a slightly above average walk) to the nearest Papa John’s to ask whether they knew her husband. Papa John’s did not recognise the name, but said a man by the name of classical figure Julius Caesar had been making a strange request to deliver pizza to the tree behind a Chapel- what a weirDOUGH. Mrs Routledge knew that had to be Mr Routledge but she wanted to catch him in the act so she set up a STING operation.
With the help of the CCF, Mr Routledge was going to get busted mid-deal. Mr Hawkins was on radios to communicate when the ‘package’ was arriving, Mr Ryan hid in the bushes with night vision binoculars for a close up, Mr Weaver hid by Chapel with a paintball gun in case Mr Routledge wanted to make a run for it and Mr Pooley was enjoying Nelson night- arguably equally important. Mrs Routledge lurked in the shadows, eagerly anticipating the pizza’s arrival. Suddenly, a car appeared with the Papa Johns logo on the side of it as well as a man in a black hoodie. The man gave the cash over and begun to walk away with the pizza but Mrs Routledge came running, tackling the man to the ground using her rugby skills that she had learnt from Mr Platt. She ripped the hood down and saw the face of her husband, Mr Routledge! The CCF asked if she wanted them to deal with it, but Mrs Routledge had a plan…
Now, Mr Routledge babysits every Thursday night with a single piece of lettuce for dinner whilst Mrs Routledge treats all the teachers to pizza. Mrs R really delivered that punishment.
See you next time on RHShhh!