Prefect Alignments + Q&A

The Heads of Schools’ and Prefects’ most important interview to date – answering questions you’ve always wanted to ask but have been too afraid to. (Listed below in alphabetical order)

(Fig.1 alignment chart from “Dungeons and Dragons”)

***HEADS OF SCHOOL***

Adam Warren (Head Boy): True Neutral

Q: “Lord Acton once proposed something along the lines of, ‘power tends to corrupt’ – how far would you agree with this statement, in relation to your own tendency to succumb?”

Adam: [distractedly munching on cereal] “You mean for myself?…[eats another spoon of cereal] well…I suppose power can corrupt my freedom to have fun,”

Q: “As in – it restricts your non-Head Boy-esque liberties?”

Adam: “Yup,” [chews more cereal]

Holly Folkard-Smith (Head Girl): Neutral good

Q: “Would you consider your relationship with Head Boy Adam Warren purely professional and platonic?”

Holly: [prolonged silence]

Holly: “Is that seriously my question?”

Q: ……

Holly: “You know we’re both taken right – you can’t write this!”

Q: “Are you quite sure that this collaboration has not increased your compatibility by approximately 3.1415%?”

Holly: “I mean…NO. Not to be rude or anything, but at the moment it’s hanging around -0.009213% recurring.”

Bella Keeley (Dep Head): Lawful neutral

Q: “If you had to choose background music to accompany your life, what would it be? – It can be theme tunes, songs, noises, sound effects – anything.”

Bella: “Hmm I’m not sure, what would yours be?”

Q: “The Wii theme song. Could I suggest maybe The Duck Song-”

Bella: “No that’s so annoying!”

Q: “Bohemian Rhapsody?”

Bella: [considers this possibility] “Yes. Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Molly Williamson (Dep Head): Neutral good

Q: “What would you do if one day you woke up, and walruses could drive?”

Molly: [looks very confused]

Molly: “What kind of question is that??”

Q: “Um excuse me, allow me to remind you this is an interview which means I am asking the questions,”

Molly: “Okay, I would do nothing. What could I do? What can little me do about anything?…How do walruses even drive? I mean, how would they steer? Do they have the mental capacity here? Do they have thumbs?”

Nick Sims (Dep Head): Lawful good

Q: “In your opinion, what is the most impossible event in our earthly, transient existence?”

Nick: [very, very long silence as Nick looks over the yonder, completely lost in his thoughts]

Q: “Nick? Hello??”

Nick: “That would be…coming back to life,”

Q: “…Okay but not tax evasion?”

Nick: “No – coming back to life.”

Tom Paddon (Dep Head): Lawful neutral

Q: “What is your deepest, darkest fear?”

Tom: [with hardly any hesitation] “I don’t know, I’m not really scared of anything,”

Q: “You’re completely fearless?!”

Tom: “Yeah, I suppose,”

***PREFECTS***

Abbie Sykes: Lawful neutral

Q: “Has it ever occurred to you that the sun will never know what a bagel tastes like?”

Abbie: [blinks and looks extremely confused] “What? Wait – the sun – have I ever – bagel – I don’t – huh?”

Q: “Yeah, that’s what I thought, you only ever think about yourself. How selfish.”

Abbie: “Um.”

Alice Cox: True neutral

Q: “Would you rather love or be loved?”

Alice: “Love or be loved?…be loved I think, but both are good and I do both, so.”

Annie Paddon: Lawful good

Q: “What is the wildest conspiracy theory you know?”

Annie: “That would be the Malaysian flight MH370 theory involving aliens in its disappearance,”

Annis Cousins: True neutral

Q: “What is your opinion on the ‘Toast Sandwich’ recipe?”

Annis: “What is that?”

Q: “Two slices of bread with toast in between,”

Annis: “No.”

Cam Worsley: Chaotic evil

Q: “What is your middle name?”

Cam: “Well, the first one is Brian…can I not have another question? This is a really bad one,”

Q: “Really? And not ‘Throckmorten’ or ‘Soloman’ or ‘Farquaad’? Because those are two very fitting names for you, maybe you should consider changing it.”

Cam: “They’re really embarrassing. I’ll tell you later,”

[**to be revealed**]

Catie Bennett: Chaotic good

Q: “Do you believe in aliens?”

Catie: “Yes, definitely! Because it’s important to believe in things and to embrace all the things in this world! If people don’t that means they are, um-”

Q: “Narrow-minded?”

Catie: “Yeah,”

Charlotte Hoskyns: Lawful neutral

Q: “What is your opinion on playing Mario Kart in substitute for driving lessons?”

Charlotte: “No.”

Q: “Why so?”

Charlotte: “Because of the gears and stuff,”

Dominic Curtis: Neutral evil

Q: “If you succeeded at world domination – wait no, sorry I meant, when you succeed at world domination – who would you put as your 2nd in command?”

Dom: “Voldemort.”

Q: “Being as highly intelligent as your are, did you also notice the pun made between your name and world *dom*ination?”

Dom: “What? Sorry I wasn’t really listening,”

Emily Fretwell: Chaotic good

Q: “Would you-”

Emily: [already looks extremely uncomfortable]

Q: “Would you hit your best friend with a car for $50m?”

Emily: “Uh…how injured would they be?”

Q: “Coma.”

Emily: “Oh!…But $50m is a lot of money…a lot of money…”

Q: “Hypothetically speaking you could also let them hit you with a car as well – so you guys would have $50m each,”

Emily: “But this would never happen, this isn’t a real situation, this isn’t real, I can’t answer. I’m sorry, Lucy.”

Freddie Wootton: Chaotic neutral

Q: “If you had a yacht, what would you name it?”

Freddie: “I would name it The Delilah,”

Q: “Would you not name it Titanic?”

Freddie: “No – Delilah.”

George Nicholls: Neutral good

Q: “You have two options: you can survive without eating but you get to keep all your friends – alternatively, you can eat but never see your friends again, which would you choose?”

George: “I’ve answered this before – it’s friends!”

**[background explanation: George has been asked this question multiple times prior to the Q&A]**

Harry Hindley: Neutral good

Q: “So everyone has demons living in their heads, should these demons have to pay rent?”

Harry: “Yes…because…they are taking up…space??”

John Wells: Chaotic good

Q: “What is your stance on solipsism?”

John: “And that is?”

Q: “A philosophical movement whereby proposing that nothing actually exists beyond one’s own mind – in other words, this conversation we are having right now could just be a figment of your imagination.”

John: “I would love for that to be the case but sadly…”

Libby Ahlers-Diver: Lawful neutral

Q: “Which layer of heaven do you think you’re going to?”

Libby: “How many layers are there? Is it like an onion?”

Q: “Yes! Exactly like an onion – it’s a hierarchical structure…Oh, so you actually think you’re going to make it into heaven then? Justify your statement with supporting evidence, 30 marks. Go.”

Libby: “By asking me ‘which’ layer of heaven I think I am going to, you are thereby assuming I am actually going to heaven. You also haven’t clarified the classification of the heaven layers, this isn’t a valid question?,”

Q: “Excuse me, allow me to remind you that this is an interview, which means I am asking the questions – not you. And for the sake of the argument, heaven has three layers – 1, 2, 3.”

Libby: “2 then,”

Q: “Why so?”

Libby: “Because I’m not the best person.”

Lydia Torrington: Neutral good

Q: “Please name the three most beautiful things about yourself – it can be either physical features or attributes,”

Lydia: “Oh! [prolonged pause]…that would be: one – my smiley-ness [smiles wider], two – my spontaneity, three – my rationality,”

Libby Parker: Chaotic neutral

Q: “If you were a colour or shade, what would you be?”

Libby: “I would be Pink because it’s happy and bubbly!-”

Q: “How about black? Gold?”

Libby: “Pink,”

Liv Scott: Chaotic neutral

Q: “What is your greatest ambition to date?”

Liv: “I don’t know,”

Maja Jeffs: Lawful good

Q: “What is your favourite communism quote?”

Maja: “I’m not sure – I don’t do politics,”

Q: “Yes you do, we’re in the same class. Allow me to provide you with a few suggestions – ‘means of production belong to the working class’, ‘the blood of the bourgeoisie must be spilt’, and ‘the embers of revolution are glowing in the grate’”

Maja: “None of the above,”

Simon Brown: True neutral

Q: “Why isn’t eleven pronounced onety-one?”

Simon: “Well…that would be because of practical reasons – say you’re on the phone and you say ‘onety-one’ it can be easily misheard…why isn’t twelve pronounced ‘onety-two’?”

Q: “That is a very good question.”

Tash Neylan: Lawful good

Q: “What is the most entertaining thing about you?”

Tash: [thinks hard] “It would be the fact I grew up in Africa, but aside from that – I got charged by an elephant.”

Q: “How are you still alive??”

Tash: [taps nose mysteriously]

Tilly Arulampulam: Neutral good

Q: “What would you say to the shooter as your last words if you were to sustain a fatal gun wound, right this minute?”

Tilly: “Can I not die any other way?”

Q: “No, this has to be the way it goes down. You could say to them ‘Well, that was rude!’ or remind them that Switzerland was a neutral country in both world wars”

Tilly: “How injured would I be?”

Q: “Very – you are dying,”

Tilly: ……

Q: “Okay I’ll come back again when you’ve thought of an answer,”

Tom Ralph: Chaotic neutral

Q: “If a poison gets past its expiration date – does it become more or less toxic?”

Tom: [puts hands in pockets and assumes a cocky stance] “Well, that depends on the type of poison-“

Q: “Alkali? Acid?”

Tom: “Yeah, say, if it’s acid – it’ll get weaker as time goes on, whereas if you’ve got something like snake venom-“

Q: “It’ll get stronger? Like wine?”

Tom: “Yeah.”