Hello all, this RHS pupil has discovered a dark dark secret…Mr Havers is in a cult! Believe it or not this geography teacher is a part of the Flat Earth Society! So without going around the world (or across it I guess) let’s uncover more!
Shavers may seem normal in his usual frat boy civvies in the evening or suit in his geography classroom, but his true views are hidden. As a geography teacher, you would think that he would understand that the earth is round because of well, science, satellite images and the fact people have actually been to space! However, Shavers had to suppress his true feelings to get his job at RHS, charming Mrs Izod with his smile and enthusiasm for geography (no one has ever shown such excitement for coastal erosion), getting him a job at RHS with the perfect opportunity to sow the seed in our young and vulnerable brains to encourage us to join his flat earth conspiracy.
This RHS pupil noticed that Mr Havers had been disappearing from his duty in Nelson but couldn’t work out where to. Was he ordering takeout behind the Nelsoner’s backs? Was he burning terrible geography exams? Was he looking for his wallet? *This isn’t a rumour he has actually lost his wallet. No! Mr Havers was caught leaving site on his rusty bike in a black cloak. Naturally I wanted to know more so I asked the geographers if they knew anything but they were too busy panicking over their NEA results and coming to terms with having to write essays alongside colouring in. Therefore, this RHS pupil spoke to Mrs Izod and encouraged her to keep an eye out.
Next week, Shavers left suspiciously again. Mrs Izod noticed and decided to follow with Mrs McConnell out of pure curiosity and in the hope they could stand and measure the flow of rivers together- every geographer’s favourite pass time. They arrived at a huge house with majestic gates, and extravagant statues leading to the grand doorway. Luckily it was dark and stormy (bit of pathetic fallacy for the benefit of my intense story), allowing the two to remain hidden. Izod and McConnell grabbed a black cape and hid in the shadows as the cult gathered around the Cult Leader. They begun discussing how the earth is a flat disc, and that the idea of the earth being a sphere is an elaborate hoax from multiple governments. Mrs Izod burst out laughing, drawing attention to herself. The Cult Leader approached her sinisterly and asked what was so amusing. Mrs Izod cleverly answered, “I’m just laughing at those who believe that we are a floating sphere. Especially those stupid geography teachers”, which she had to say through gritted teeth. The Cult Leader agreed and they continued with the events of the day.
Like a 5 year old, or let’s be honest a typical geographer, Mr Havers happily coloured between the lines and proudly framed his masterpiece of a flat earth. The cult then practiced their photoshopping skills to understand how the satellites fake their images. They sang the hymn ‘He’s got the flat world in his hands’. Finally, they started preparations for the annual flat-earth conference in the US, as the most recent conference was attended by more than 600 people and so they wanted to make sure they had prepared enough cookies. The result of this evening was that Mrs Izod and Mrs McConnell actually had a great time. The community, the snacks (who knew flat earthers had such good taste in cheese) and the great geography discussions.
Mrs Izod and Mrs McConnell returned every week, even revealing themselves to Shavers. They all had mess dates at school to discuss their opinions and plot how they could encourage the year 7s to follow their leadership; Mrs Izod suggested chocolate which normally wins them over to be fair. The society then held a little Flat Earth Disco, with a disco disc rather than a ball- gotta keep to the theme. Dancing, singing, pin the country on the map, what more could you want! It was all going smoothly until Mr Havers decided he wanted to explore the huge house a bit more…
Other than gorgeous paintings of our flat earth, bit Picasso really, and sinister portraits of previous cult leaders, the group started discovering some strange stuff. Old furniture and brightly coloured clothes all stacked up in room after room like a junk sale! ‘How strange that such a gorgeous house would contain such random objects’, exclaimed Mrs McConnell.
The three then ran into the Cult Leader; paralysed with fear of their supreme leader they froze. The leader of the cult immediately recognised them and removed his hood to reveal…Mr Mann!! In all his glory he was wearing his luminous green coat and crocs under his dark robe. It all made sense: Mr Mann used his finance skills to buy this grand house; the house was filled with all his favourite thrifting memories; the cult had to come to him because his car had got clamped again and his wild and dramatic stories hypnotised his followers. The geography teachers were in complete awe…and shock. It was the reunion of their dreams! Ecstatic they all danced to their favourite tunes: ‘Ain’t no mountain high enough’, ‘Don’t go chasing waterfalls’ and ‘Mr Blue Sky’. They had a great evening, however they all decided that maybe the earth isn’t flat and that it is just another one of Mr Mann’s elaborate stories.
Izod, Havers and McConnell all returned to school a little shellshocked from their adventures and vowed never to return to the Flat Earth Society. Instead, they all sat in their Geo Hub and drank coffee…life was normal once again.
Bit of a weird adventure but stay tuned for another RHShhh! And don’t forget to ask Mr Havers to sing one of his favourite geography songs, legend has it he was in the cult’s choir.