RHShhh! – ?

Welcome everyone to the Lent term’s gossip. It may be a new year, but same me as it is my duty to tell you all the latest info about the teachers. Now, this RHS pupil has heard that there is a feud, and not just any feud…Maths vs English.

Most people know each department has their enemy; History mocking Geography for only ever colouring in and Music performing musicals to steal the spotlight from Drama, but this time the petty feud grew into a full blown war!

Let’s start at the beginning shall we. For centuries (slightly dramatic but I get artistic license) there has been a dispute between Maths and English over which subject is the best. Is it more important to be able to count or to be able to write? Do pie charts make your day or would you prefer to analyse the colour of curtains? Pearson ActiveLearn or Inspector Calls? Pythagoras or Willy Shakespeare? This disagreement merely started with snide remarks and death glares in the corridor but escalated quickly to bribing students to take their subject for A-level- p.s. take English Language we have a cake rota on Saturdays and no I am not biased here! This then led to an obvious divide in the common room and fights over ‘territory’- the coffee machine was the danger zone.

‘Imagine being the most boring subject’, said Mrs Pearson.

‘Imagine not being clever enough to understand algebra’, replied Mr Loveland.

Tensions grew and it was at that moment the war started. Heads of department, Mrs Botley and Ms Stone, joined in the middle of the staff room and agreed to meet on the parade square the next day. Ms Stone insisted for it to be at dawn for some ‘drama’- English teachers eh?

So it was. The two departments met prepared for battle under the clouded sky- some pathetic fallacy. However, little did Maths know that English had been recruiting and formed an alliance. Severely out numbered (ironic isn’t it) by the number of essay based subjects, Mr Cuddihy quickly calculated the probability of them winning. Let’s just say the Maths department ran faster than year 7s on the way to mess. English thought they were victorious but little did they know Mr Graham wasn’t going back down and quickly gathered the Science gang. Dr Gibbs screamed his war chant (some random physics equations) and Dr Ryan prepared her chemicals which caused a big reaction- get it 😉 The war began again, with Mr Roe catapulting the politics textbook- trust me it is big enough to knock someone out.

Books flying. Compasses held aggressively. Teachers running with scissors! Can a school get more chaotic than teachers running with scissors!? Mr Battman used a metre ruler to play hockey with Ms Stone’s dictionary. Mr Gould argued his point using his favourite word ‘thus’ and the classic PEE format, driving Mr Eales insane. Mr Hodson took the high ground whilst Mr Cocker distracted the Maths department by speaking in Middle English. Mrs Botley threw whiteboard pens whilst Mr Corbould confused Ms Taylor Payne over the quadratic formula. Complete and utter discord broke out. Meanwhile, Music just sat on the sidelines watching, sipping their coffee- they were unsure who to join since you have to count beats in a bar but be creative with lyrics, besides they much rather laugh amongst themselves.

Oxford Helix Maths Set with Storage Tin : Amazon.co.uk: Stationery & Office  Supplies

The school was in complete chaos until…the saviour appeared. The ultimate favourite subject. A sense of calm filled the air, immediately capturing the attention of the warriors. Emerging from the ashes…Ms Hemmens appeared. PHSE was here to save the day!!!! Everyone bowed down before her as they knew no one could compete with the blue sofas and time to speak your mind/sleep- don’t lie, we have all had a nap through the meditation lesson. In an instant, Maths and English cleared and returned to their departments like nothing had happened. The competitive hatred still burns inside but at least they are keeping it low key. Although, Subject War II could still happen…

Anyway, don’t mention the war, it may ignite the spark again. See you next time on RHShhh!

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