RHS Atrocities – Toby C
Atrocities are committed every day at RHS. It is outrageous! I think it’s about time that a pioneering, young (and very handsome) Bubble journalist plucked up the courage to address some of these issues. Responding to this call of duty, I have taken it upon myself to fulfil this role. Not all heroes wear capes; some would like to wear RHS bubble hoodies, but this is not a thing… yet.
The first and foremost issue I would like to address is the growing number of imbeciles who wash out their cup from the water taps at mess. THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY ARE THERE FOR!!!! Mr. Hodson may castigate me for using more than one exclamation mark (it is improper, after all) however this vexes me to such an extent that I am willing to go against my inherent nature to please anyone with dapper style and quick wit (I am compensating now). Alas! I am getting side-tracked. What is the point of rinsing out a CLEAN plastic cup? It doesn’t wash away bacteria and it certainly doesn’t ward off Covid. However, it does hold up the queue of thirsty teenagers waiting in agony as some pedantic child wastes gallons and gallons of water rinsing his cup.
The people who commit this heinous crime also happen to coincide with the people who will only drink water from the machines instead of the taps! All tap water at RHS is drinkable, so why hold up a queue of excitable year 7s looking forward to their morning OJ when you could get your regular water from the tap right next to the machine! I can just about live with this, as long as you don’t rinse your cup beforehand.
This cup-washing hysteria has swept across the school like a plague, and it is time to tackle this insolence! Last week an impressionable and ignorant year eight saw me fill up my cup with water from the tap and take a sip. He lurched back in disgust and said “eew you’re not supposed to drink it! It’s for rinsing”. After mustering all the will power I could, I was able to restrain myself from drenching the sweet kid in perfectly adequate drinking water. I managed to explain that all water was drinkable to which he replied, “oh sick!” (That means “cool” for the boomers – I am aware of the bubbles’ demographic!) and preceded to fill his own cup up from the taps. Witnessing this instant transformation from evil to good almost brought me to tears. Once again, like with prejudice against mosquitos, I realized it was ignorance I must tackle.
And that is why I am here, squandering my free time on a Sunday on a bubble article instead of watching Squid Game. Part of being a hero is making sacrifices, and this is a sacrifice I am willing to take for the betterment of Humanity. So stand with me, and rise against this bad habit. In the words of Mr. Sheeran “bad habits lead to late nights”, so if you want to sleep at night, learn to live without the rinse!
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