Ten Ways to Avoid Giving Hodson an Article by Deadline – Ella Finch

You’ve all seen them; the emails. Once a week – the reminder that you’re a terrible, lazy person, or someone who is so far on the opposite end of the scale that they have no free time left at the end of the day. And if you have Mr Hodson as your teacher, there truly seems to be no escape from the incessant “Have you got that article done yet?”  We’re not saying don’t contribute at all – don’t get us wrong – but we all know that sometimes deadlines aren’t helpful when trying to produce the best work possible. So, we’ve decided to let you all in on a secret; the ten best ways to avoid handing in an article for the blog.

  1. Ye Olde ‘The Computer Ate my Article’ (is that not how the phrase goes?) 

When you log into the school computers, you may be logged on to a temporary account (no one really knows what it’s all about but, trust me, it’s not great). If this happens, you have to save your work very carefully or else the next time you log in it won’t be there. Most of you will probably have understood where we’re going with this point by now, but for those of you still wondering this means you can say that you completed your article on a temporary login, didn’t notice, and lost your work as a result of not saving carefully.

  1. The Classic ‘All Of The Computers Were In Use’ And The More Modern “I Can’t Download That App”

The no-computers-excuse is one that we both have heard far too many times during our time at RHS, but it’s one that used to (and still does on occasion) stand up in the classroom as a solid reason for not completing an article. There are limited computers in the boarding houses and, especially during the first half term when no one is supposed to be on flexi-prep, not everyone can simply go to the library (which also fills up quickly). However, with the introduction of iPads into the school, this excuse hasn’t been as popular with the students as it could fall through easily when Hodson asks “well, why didn’t you use your iPad?” But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered here too. If you’ve had your iPad for longer than two years then you’ll know that you can’t download apps such as Pages, which are great for writing tasks, for free. You could download Word or do it in Notes, but even Hodson himself realises the difficulties of using these rudimentary apps and so you can simply give this excuse and be safe; at least for another day – maybe.

  1. The Smart “I Was Too Busy Looking At Applying To Oxford, Sir” 

Anyone that has Mr Hodson as a teacher or knows someone who does or has maybe bumped into him once in the corridor will most likely have overheard or been told about the fact that he went to Oxford University – I know I have, several times over. Any mention of Oxford and he’s off – recounting days of long hair past and time spent having tomatoes thrown at him as he walked through the streets of London (good times, we’re sure). If distraction from the fact that your article only consists of a title is what you’re looking for, this is the excuse for you. Mr Hodson will be so busy telling everyone about Oxford that you can casually back out of the room and run back house – not to finish your article of course, but rather to get all the other work you have to do, done.

hox
Hodson. And Hodson’s hair.
  1. The Ella Finch “I-Went-To-Copy-It-From-The-Notes-App-Into-An-Email-But-Accidentally-Clicked-The-Delete-Button-Instead” 

I’m going to write this one without input from Eloise since it’s an excuse I actually used once – and no, it wasn’t a lie either. The Notes App that was mentioned earlier is one that should be avoided at all costs (and is totally not what I’m writing this in at the moment…), for risk of accidentally destroying your work. I’d written an article on something or other and as I was copying it to email across I accidentally clicked the delete button instead of copy – don’t judge me, I was very tired. Strangely enough, Mr Hodson was reluctant to buy this excuse, even though it was actually true and all the aforementioned excuses have been bought before in front of my very eyes. But hey, it still worked eventually so here’s another excuse you can use to get out of handing in your article on time.

  1. The Naval “I Had Divvies, Sir, No Time” 

This excuse is brilliant because most teachers also don’t like standing around for ages on a Sunday after having been in lessons and supervising sport on Saturday (surprise!), Mr Hodson included. No doubt this will start a debate on how the weekends (if you can call them that) are structured here at RHS, and the fact that your article isn’t finished shouldn’t come up again for a while.

  1. The Unoriginal “I Had Too Much Work”

This excuse does work, Mr Hodson respects that you have a lot of prep (unless you’re a year seven or eight and have structured prep sessions and free evenings – you have no right to use this excuse) but it’s not really a fun one so maybe try to be more inventive next time. Maybe if you come up with an excuse he hasn’t heard before he’ll give you an extension – who knows? It works on the prefects on early mess duty at supper (not that we’d know…).

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Rather than excuses, these next few tips will be about techniques that you can use to avoid having to hand in your articles on time.

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  1. Avoid The Conversation Altogether

This is a lot easier if you don’t have Mr Hodson as a teacher. If you do, you’ll have to distract him, perhaps by saying something along the lines of “I thought so-and-so said you went to Oxford Brookes?” and watching the carnage unravel before you. Unless of course you want a calm, productive lesson, in which case bribe your classmates with tuck so that they don’t bring it up and hope for the best.

  1. Pray

Sometimes, all you can do is appeal to a greater being and hope that A) they’re there, B) they like you and C) they’re not busy finding a solution to an actual problem like Donald Trump.

  1. Procrastinate On Writing An Article By Writing An Article On How To Procrastinate On Writing Articles

  1. Get Someone To Write An Article That You Helped Them Come Up With The Idea For And Put Your Name At The End Of It With Theirs

Like Eloise.

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DISCLAIMER: 

Don’t actually follow our advice – it’s awful.

99.9% by Ella Finch, with the addition of a capital letter and help with the idea by Eloise Best

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