Halloween – Big Deal?

I’ve spent the past four (and a half) Halloweens scaring trick-or-treaters as they come down my driveway, simply because… it’s really fun. In 2022, halfway through my wander round Holbrook, finding all the sweets I could from all the houses possible, I realised I was getting a bit old for trick-or-treating. It was a sombre realisation, but it led to my friend Amy and me lurking with a bowl of sweets at the front of my driveway, waiting for our victims to grab a quality street so we could jump out at them. This was when we found that it was actually more fun than trick-or-treating.

The next year, in 2023, Amy and I did the same thing, a bowl of sweets, a hedge to hide behind, and unexpecting children jumping out their skin. The realisation that we needed to go bigger set in. I like to think we planned thoroughly, but really, we just met up a week before Halloween and went to Tesco to buy whatever we thought would add to the experience, capping the budget at a meagre £25 per person. 2024 was the first year that people would actually come down the driveway. We already had some Halloween décor that we didn’t need to buy, such as faux spiders, their respective webs, and some caution tape. We set it up around the fence and signalled for people to come down the drive with an incredibly ominous sign that read ‘This way… if you dare.’ I don’t know what could have possibly been scarier than that sign, especially given the poorly draw coffin and red dripping marker. As a result of our Tesco trip, we had bought a skeleton and strung it around a branch overhanging the driveway using a crabbing line. As our victims scurried down the driveway, aptly ominous music would accompany them. Amy would jump out and follow them creepily down the drive where I would drop the skeleton from the tree, leaving it hanging just in front of them. Then, of course, I’d jump out at them too before offering them a packet of Haribo.

Let’s imagine this is what ours looked like

2025… an upscale, but not by a massive amount. It was the same deal, but louder music and a fake body instead of the skeleton. We’d covered plastic bottles with two binbags and wrapped it with duct tape, so it had the shape of a body attempting to be disposed of. As you would, we named this body bag Janine. This year, Amy sat on a chair in the middle of the drive, pretending to be a statue then arising when the victims got too close. I’d then drop Janine in the same way we dropped the skeleton; bigger reactions arose from Janine than the previous year’s skeleton. As always, I popped out for a final scare, though this time I pointed at three different mysterious boxes: one had vinegar, a fake heart and red food dye, the other two had sweets. The trick-or-treaters had to choose which box to delve into. Regardless of which box they picked, they would all get sweets after the show.

Less than a week ago, we had our biggest upscale, a total of seven different scares, though only six at a given time. For this Halloween, it was me, Amy, my girlfriend Kira, and a massively loud speaker constantly playing a scary, jumpy song. The first scare was a different, better body bag, made from a duvet wrapped in bin bags and tape, being thrown from a tree. Then Kira, from up the tree, dropped a branch tied to a string with a large, fake spider clinging on; this seemed to be the most effective scare. The children would continue down the driveway and reach Amy, who was laying, standing, or sitting in the middle of the driveway, completely still, delicately (but safely) wrapped in bin bag. Many of them would stay around her for a while, but when they finally thought she was fake, sometimes after a few prods, she’d jump out at them. As they ran further down the drive, I’d drop a plastic coffin from a tree with the same crabbing line as before. They’d jump, and I, this time, meandered out slowly, stood in front of the bowl of sweets, and pointed toward it. Reluctant, they came over, that’s when I’d shout and flinch, just before they grabbed their Haribo. You might be thinking: ‘that’s only five scares,’ and you’d be right. Once we realised getting the bag back in the tree after each scare was difficult, Kira ended up lurking in the first hedge down the driveway, ready to jump out at our victims. And for the seventh, once they had their sweets, they’d turn around and see Amy breathing down their necks before they jogged off, sometimes getting chased.

Overall, do I take Halloween too seriously? I think yes, but it’s ridiculously fun in my eyes. Hearing ‘This was the best house by far’ as the kids walk back down the drive is just an incredible thing to hear, and gives an amazing sense of satisfaction.

Oh, and also, if you were wondering how many packets of sweets you needed to feed the trick-or-treaters… it’s 200. And yes, I ensured they only took one each.