SET IN STONE: Ms Stone’s Rules…

Lifestyle School Mr Hodson June 29, 2023 0 Comments

Rules to Live By

Encouraged by my year 12 (who thought that they were only going to be studying A level literature, not being the lucky recipients of my almost 45 years’ worth of life advice on all matters from cookery to affairs of the heart) I give you my top tips for a happy life.

NB If you have ever been taught by me, you’re bound to have come across one or two of these at some point.

1. When you yawn, cover your mouth! It’s rude, disrespectful and just a bit nasty to show someone the inner workings of your mouth. Yawning is not a problem; seeing inside your head is!

2. There’s no aspirant in the pronunciation of the letter ‘H’; therefore this should be pronounced ‘aitch’ not ‘haitch’. For some reason this is controversial. There’s no reason it should be: I am simply correct and you need to accept this!

3. Less and fewer – again, some may argue that this is splitting hairs. I say grammatical correctness is a privilege that we can all enjoy. Simply put, if you can count the items to which you are referring eg. books, people, marks in an exam; you use the word fewer in reference to a reduction eg I got fewer marks in my History exam than in my English exam. If you can’t separate out individual items from the mass which you describe eg sand, sugar or anger then, the word you are looking for is less eg. Mr Hodson enjoys less sugar in his tea than me.

4. If it smells like fish, it’s off! This includes fish but is especially pertinent to chicken and bagged salad.

5. Never put an underwired bra in a tumble drier! It will ruin both bra and drier. Trust me.

6. Love should not be hard or hurtful or difficult. A truly loving relationship will make you the best version of yourself (not controlling, jealous, guilty, anxious or any other negative behaviour that being in the wrong relationship brings).

7. On a similar note, if someone really cares for you, they will go out of their way to make it happen. Excuses of time, distance and finance are simply that; excuses not to be with you.

8. As much as you want it to be, ‘alot’ will never be one word. Spell it as two (a lot) and make your teachers happy.

9. Do all of things; there is plenty of time in your life for the tedium of pension rates, mortgages, contents insurance and bins. Go travelling; apply for the circus skills degree; be spontaneous; because one day, you’ll have grey chin hairs and be getting excited about new washing up liquid fragrances. (Surf Berry Bliss is a strong performer if you were wondering).

10. Dance to the beat of your own drum. A life lived without the tyranny of constantly worrying what ‘other people’ might think of you, is a very happy one indeed.